Traditionally we Irish have dealt with death in a positive and hands-on manner. The Irish wake is known for its celebration of the deceased person's life. In the midst of pain, grief and loss the support of relatives and friends to the family is palpable.
During the Covid pandemic, I lost a close family member. His wake, Requiem Mass and burial were nothing like anything I have ever experienced before. Coupled with the grief was the sense of isolation triggered by the physical absence of family and friends.
The death of a loved one in normal times is a painful experience, but in these Covid-19 times that pain is heightened, and it is a very lonely experience. Like so many other families we were deprived of the time to be with our loved one in his last hours. Standing in the bitter cold keeping vigil through a window is something that will remain with me for the rest of my life. Yet we were not alone in this experience - so many families experienced the same.
As a family we missed the support and comfort of relatives and friends calling during those sad days, and felt the loss of a physical hug or handshake or the sharing of stories about our loved one. It left an ache in our hearts. Ten of us gathered for his funeral Mass and yet there was an intimacy in this, even if the Church was empty. When the prayers were said, and the burial finished, each member of the family returned to his or her own home to grieve and cope in their own way. No celebration of the deceased person's life over a meal was possible, each had to mourn in isolation.
"Celebrating in an empty Church without the family present was something I found incredibly difficult."
Yet I am grateful for those who stood in the bitter cold along the side of the road or in the cemetery keeping their distance yet supporting us by their physical presence. Behind the masks, their eyes reached out in solidarity and compassion to those gathered around the graveside. It shows the goodness as well as the helplessness that many felt, unable to support the grieving in the traditional ways we are accustomed to. The phone call, the email and the text message show that people care, but it can never replace the presence of the family member or friend during those days of sorrow and grief.
Celebrating in an empty Church without the family present was something I found incredibly difficult. However, at the end of the day I found comfort in the words of the Preface of the Mass: " Indeed, for your faithful, Lord, life is changed not ended, and, when this earthly dwelling turns to dust, an eternal dwelling is made ready for them in heaven."
This is made possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus our Savior.
Life for Danny is now changed not ended; through God's grace he is now in that place where pain and suffering are no more. like so many families we continue to mourn his passing, particularly as November is a time for remembering and praying for those who have gone before us and whose loss we feel.